Picture this: You and your partner used to be all over each other—steamy glances, stolen kisses, and enough sexual tension to power a small city. Fast-forward a few years (or maybe just a few months), and suddenly, Netflix, social media scrolling, and “one more episode” have become the third wheel in your relationship. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
Intimacy—whether emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, or sexual—is the glue that keeps a relationship thriving. But when life gets busy, stress takes over, or you’ve simply fallen into the “friendly zone,” intimacy can start taking a back seat. The good news? It doesn’t have to stay that way.
In my somatic sex and intimacy coaching sessions, , we not only talk but also engage in embodied practices that help you connect deeply with yourself and your desires. Through mindful touch, breathwork, movement, and guided exercises, we create a safe space for exploration, healing, and transformation.
Why Does Intimacy Take a Hit?
Before we talk about solutions, let’s understand the issue. Why does intimacy sometimes feel like it’s running on fumes?
- Routine Ruts – Life can become monotonous. Wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat. It’s easy to prioritize responsibilities over connection.
- Stress and Fatigue – If you’ve ever fallen asleep in the middle of sexy time (no judgment), you know that exhaustion is the ultimate intimacy killer.
- Emotional Disconnect – Physical intimacy isn’t just about sex. If you’re not feeling emotionally connected, getting close physically can feel like a chore rather than a pleasure.
- Unspoken Resentments – Little things, like your partner forgetting to pick up the groceries (again), can build up and create an invisible wall between you.
- Body Image and Confidence Issues – If you’re not feeling great in your own skin, it’s hard to feel desirable or express your desires.
- Lack of Novelty – The same positions, the same approach, the same everything can make intimacy feel more like a to-do list item than a passionate connection.
The Ripple Effect of Lost Intimacy
When intimacy takes a back seat, the impact goes beyond just the bedroom. Partnerships start feeling disconnected, misunderstandings increase, and a once-thriving relationship can start feeling like a business transaction.
Renowned therapist David Schnarch emphasized that intimacy issues in relationships often arise from a low degree of self-differentiation, where individuals struggle to balance their personal identity with emotional closeness to their partner. This suggests the need to introduce variety and a healthy understanding for one’s individuation. It’s about keeping connection alive in small but meaningful ways.
Bringing Intimacy Back—Andre Lazarus Approved Tips
How does one shift gears and bring back the passion, the deep conversations, and the toe-curling, sheet-gripping steamy intimacy?
1. Prioritize Connection Time (Even When You’re “Too Busy”)
If you have time to scroll Instagram for 15 minutes before bed, you have time to connect with your partner. Set aside intentional moments for connection—whether it’s 10 minutes of eye-gazing (yes, it’s a thing), a cuddle session, or a quick make-out sesh before bed.
2. Talk About It—Without Blaming
“Hey, I feel like we’ve been a little distant lately, and I miss you. Let’s find ways to reconnect.” That’s a lot more productive than, “You never touch me anymore! What’s wrong with you?” Approach the conversation with curiosity, not accusations.
3. Get Playful with Touch
Intimacy doesn’t always have to lead to sex. Non-sexual touch—like massages, holding hands, or even a playful butt grab while doing the dishes—can reignite connection without pressure.
4. Introduce Novelty (Without Overcomplicating It)
Novelty doesn’t have to mean latex bodysuits and role-playing as a teacher and student (unless that’s your thing—then, by all means). It can be as simple as trying a new activity together, exploring a different kind of foreplay, or even just switching up your usual routine.
5. Address Underlying Issues
If there’s unresolved tension or resentment, it’s hard to feel connected. Addressing emotional baggage can sometimes be the biggest aphrodisiac.
6. Seek Guidance—Therapists and Other Professionals Aren’t Just for “Big Problems”
Many people think that seeking outside help means their relationship is “in trouble.” In reality, guidance from a sex coach or finding a sex therapist near you can help couples navigate changes in intimacy with fresh perspectives. Investing in intimacy is investing in happiness, which in-turn invests in you and your relationship.
The Takeaway
Intimacy ebbs and flows in every relationship—it’s natural. The key is recognizing when it’s slipping and taking proactive steps to bring it back. Whether it’s through small daily gestures, deeper conversations, or a willingness to explore new things together, intimacy can absolutely be rekindled.
And if all else fails, try turning off the TV and just hold each other. Movies and episodes will still be there tomorrow—your relationship deserves some prioritizing.
